Author: Qkie

sitting at another cafe, getting work done, doing magic, doing things.. but why do i feel a little empty?

i dont think i am depressed, on the contrary, i am fine. perhaps this is bottom of the pan burnout levels and i just want to take a break. then again, its not like i havent been on breaks. Sanya is kind enough to take me frequently on breaks – nothing to complain about.

except this time it just feels … something is missing.

the storms raging in the Philippines makes me sad because it meant some plans have changed, but i guess it is what it is. nothing we can do about it also

right now, i want to just sleep… read a book… sleep. even movies dont spark joy for some reason. though moving around does.

i sit and stare at my burnt basque cheesecake and offer prayers and thanks that i am able to live comfortably.

really. nothing to complain about.

yet… there’s also that missing spark.

in the next few weeks i will try a few more projects to see which ones ignite my fire. the fact is that i’ve started on a few but have failed to push through because of my schedule, so maybe this one would help my current state of mind.

lately, everything feels cluttered.. too many input from too many people. maybe I just need to just shut them off for a while.

i understand now why some of my friends have gone completely offline. no social media, no communication channels. just…. work, family…

but then again they have beach access, which I do not have. 😀

anyway…

im glad i was able to just dump my thoughts here for now. i just want to find clarity in all the things that i do. sometimes life as a mom and wife can drown a person. also, i am severely annoyed by little shits who think they are perfect.

additionally, i want to punch a certain person. the next time i meet that person, she will notice me for sure.

The rain is pouring like there’s no tomorrow. In fact, as I stare at the car port, I can see they rain has started to seep into the tiles inside. This is not good at all.

Yet, in my mind there is only one thing I am inclined to do — apart from running — and that is to let my mind wander, to let go because I feel like I have lost my ability to write.

I’ve come to realize that nobody actually reads my blog, so it is a good place for me to write things without any consequences. But let me tell you this — the trauma of people reading your work and attacking you sometimes still prevents a person from doing what they love the most.

I always loved to write but once upon a time — almost 20 years ago, I maintained one of my first dot Com blogs and was bashed for it. Around 6 years later, someone also went through all my blogs and then started to attack me because of what I wrote.

Now hear this, when I write, I usually dump what is in my mind at a given time. Sometimes its more poetic, sometimes its just pure rambling.

I have heard, however, that my writing when I let go is really good, but not that interesting. But now I feel like I do need to have that outlet to clear my head whenever the world decides to rain.

When it rains, I cannot run.

If I cannot run, then my mind wanders here and there.

Sitting in a practically empty cafe, I stretch my back from being hunched over my laptop over the past few minutes. Lines from “Marilag” filtering through my earbuds

<this post was in drafts and I was not the same person then as I am now… posting it anyway>

I know I promised to write more, but life gets in the way of writing frequently. Though the hands and mind itch to write, hours blend into days, and soon, a week has gone by.

As promised, I am continuing with freewriting, because I think this is what I do best. Please, have a seat.

If you watch the TV series, “Emily in Paris,” you would know that people have mixed opinions about the TV series. Myself included. However, I love watching it mostly because I think it has a good mix of English and French. I’ve always loved reading about France and Paris, and I was close to visiting the country once upon a time. The urge to visit is simply stronger this year.

I’ve been content to read novels of Paris and still hope that one day I can visit.

In the meantime, I heard this song while working at a cafe, and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. The first time I heard it, Shazam (music recognition) was not able to “listen” properly. Until I went to the cafe a third time. I simply fell in love with the song. I’ve been playing it daily as a mood booster.

I told Mr. S that this song reminds me so much of the Tinker Bell movie – the first one. I don’t know which particular song sounds like this. Perhaps it is simply the whimsical nature of the song, or something. Regardless, it’s been on my playlist now.

While I listen to all kinds of music, I think I’m on this path of finding songs that are similar to “L’amour, Les Baguettes, Paris” by Stella Jang. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

And that’s it for today.

I wonder if there are Asian Lit books that feature moving to France. LOL