Category: Ramblings

The rain is pouring like there’s no tomorrow. In fact, as I stare at the car port, I can see they rain has started to seep into the tiles inside. This is not good at all.

Yet, in my mind there is only one thing I am inclined to do — apart from running — and that is to let my mind wander, to let go because I feel like I have lost my ability to write.

I’ve come to realize that nobody actually reads my blog, so it is a good place for me to write things without any consequences. But let me tell you this — the trauma of people reading your work and attacking you sometimes still prevents a person from doing what they love the most.

I always loved to write but once upon a time — almost 20 years ago, I maintained one of my first dot Com blogs and was bashed for it. Around 6 years later, someone also went through all my blogs and then started to attack me because of what I wrote.

Now hear this, when I write, I usually dump what is in my mind at a given time. Sometimes its more poetic, sometimes its just pure rambling.

I have heard, however, that my writing when I let go is really good, but not that interesting. But now I feel like I do need to have that outlet to clear my head whenever the world decides to rain.

When it rains, I cannot run.

If I cannot run, then my mind wanders here and there.

Sitting in a practically empty cafe, I stretch my back from being hunched over my laptop over the past few minutes. Lines from “Marilag” filtering through my earbuds

<this post was in drafts and I was not the same person then as I am now… posting it anyway>

I know I promised to write more, but life gets in the way of writing frequently. Though the hands and mind itch to write, hours blend into days, and soon, a week has gone by.

As promised, I am continuing with freewriting, because I think this is what I do best. Please, have a seat.

If you watch the TV series, “Emily in Paris,” you would know that people have mixed opinions about the TV series. Myself included. However, I love watching it mostly because I think it has a good mix of English and French. I’ve always loved reading about France and Paris, and I was close to visiting the country once upon a time. The urge to visit is simply stronger this year.

I’ve been content to read novels of Paris and still hope that one day I can visit.

In the meantime, I heard this song while working at a cafe, and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. The first time I heard it, Shazam (music recognition) was not able to “listen” properly. Until I went to the cafe a third time. I simply fell in love with the song. I’ve been playing it daily as a mood booster.

I told Mr. S that this song reminds me so much of the Tinker Bell movie – the first one. I don’t know which particular song sounds like this. Perhaps it is simply the whimsical nature of the song, or something. Regardless, it’s been on my playlist now.

While I listen to all kinds of music, I think I’m on this path of finding songs that are similar to “L’amour, Les Baguettes, Paris” by Stella Jang. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

And that’s it for today.

I wonder if there are Asian Lit books that feature moving to France. LOL

Someone I recently befriended told me that I flex about reading.

I … I think I don’t.

I talk about reading as if it is as normal as breathing. Every now and then, I am still shocked when people do not read. I still get surprised when I find out that the people I actually like are not readers.

Then I remember that of course, maybe not everybody is into reading as I am.

Now, some people who claim they love reading often peak my curiosity as I am only eager to discuss about books. Same situation applies to that said “new friend” who shared that he reads. To which I said, “yeah? Like what books?”

That was not a flex. That was me asking what books the person liked. He then felt like I was showing off how many books I have read… I was not. I was just happy to know someone else read. I cannot help it if I read that many books.

But then again, perhaps some people do find it intimidating – he said so as well.

Reading the Universe

I simple like to read. Perhaps I do not read as much as I used to, but I do find comfort in books. Books make me happy.

Reading unlocks a whole lot of information in the world that makes sense to me.

I simply find it enjoyable.

To that sentiment, he also said I was flexing.

eh.

Here’s an update, it is the new year, and I am not really going to say that its going to be a “New Me.” There is no “New Me.” There is only me, myself, and I. And what we can expect this year is more on self improvement or growing this same old version of myself.

Do you feel the need to reinvent yourself? Do you often feel like you have to change?

What if I told you that you don’t necessarily need to “change” rather just take it day by day and improve the things that you want to improve.

We’re so caught up in this world of expectations that we forget the realities that we are blessed with. For instance, we have expectations brought about by peer pressure, family pressure, parental expectations.. and worse of all, self-expectations. But when do we learn to give ourselves a break? When do we get to pat ourselves in the back and say, its been good. You’re doing great!

I say, let 2022 be the year you start giving yourself a break. Start being kinder to yourself, and stop expecting people to go hard on you — just because you are hard on yourself.

Unfurl the tarpaulins and let the sign say “2022: Kinder YOU; Kinder ME!” Or something like that. Yeah?

Back on the work horse

Today, I sit in an almost empty room, hearing the rumble of an old air conditioning unit. Outside, the walls of the buildings reflect the heat and helps drive brightness into my eyes. I could move, I really could. But I am lazy to do so.

Besides, moving entails that I move my monitor, mega mousepad, and laptop to another place in the room. I simply do not have time or the energy to do that.

I’ve come to the office today to work, and get some stuff down. I would like to try to do more work this time around than just play Rise of Kingdoms. In the olden days (okay, in 2019 to 2021), I used to journal in an attempt to share my world with you. However, I realized that nobody actually reads my blog, so now I feel a sense of freedom to just ramble on and write about anything about everything.

There are a couple of drafts that I still need to review and post, but no rush.

We’re running low on energy today, sick as a dog, and so on. I guess the trip over the holidays has given me some weird bug that somehow becomes more severe as the day wears on. Not only I am affected by this but also the hubby and the little kid.

General anxiety

I cannot help but feel a sense of general anxiety or fear for 2022. So many things have happened over the course of the last 2 years that I cannot help but wonder what this year brings.

However, as what the husband said, 2021 was not all that bad, actually. It could have been worse, but we came out of it strong and in control. So let us hope that it continues to do so for 2022. Challenges are always coming out, but I can only hope to be stronger and more courageous to face the things that are coming my way.

Lets see how this year goes.

Oh, and Happy New Year to you!

So, I did call 2021 a year about a month ago… and then I vanished, right? Well, here I am, stopping by to wrap up 2021. What a year it was!

This post started with the intro, all peppy and hopeful, but it quickly changed into something dark and menacing. So, I’ve mentally paused and mindfully pulling myself out of the rabbit hole.

The rabbit hole is something we will discuss at some point, when I have managed to arrange things a bit. Let’s look towards more rainbows and sunshine, shall we?

Here’s some good things that happened in 2021, month by month:

• January – Left a job for a job that I felt was better for my “situation”.
• February – Went to the beach and managed to drive for an hour. Car driving achievement unlocked in 2020, but car driving with U-turns and crossing bridges was unlocked this year.
• March – I baked cookies for the first time. Yep. I finally put that oven to good use.
• April – Baked brownies… I don’t recall much of anything else.
• May – This is a blur. I cannot recall much. You see, lock down started in February.
• June – Sanya’s birthday.
• July – My birthday, and I learned to use a French Press. I basically leveled up my coffee game.
• August – What happened here..? Oh, new strides for Little Boxes!
• September – More improvement for Little Boxes, and gained more clients.
• October – Went to the beach with a friend, and took a jump to finally start another business.
• November – Creative BuKo went LIVE! AND I started reading a LOT more than the previous months.
• December – Christmas is always a good thing.

Okay, so maybe it was not that eventful. I think I need to start journalling so I do not miss any events that would be memorable.

How was your 2021?

Mon, Nov 29. We are at the close of November, and I have decided to call it a year. December will just be a floating period of time, where we take a look at the past and plan for the future.

I learned to “call it a year” from a friend who basically gave up on 2021, albeit a little bit earlier than I. 2021 has been trying, though in some ways better than 2020, but it is also worse in some ways than 2020.

I am not excited about 2022 at this point, I just want to relax in December.

So far, it has been a series of days and months dragging on the floor, fighting the urge to go into the rabbit hole. Fighting to keep one’s head above water should be an Olympic sport that most of us have found ourselves playing, with almost zero experience. I say almost zero, because I seem to find myself in these situations, but still managing to return. I am nowhere close to being an expert at surviving.

Perhaps we need to keep fighting. Always keep fighting.

But perhaps, in some instances, it is also okay to take a break.

And this is me, taking a break.

I shall sit down on a bench and stare at the world. It does not have to be at the beach – because that is impossible right now – but whatever I can, I will.

In the great scheme of things, we have but one body, mind, and soul. Unless you decide to sell your soul and others inhabit it…. that’s different…? But we should be able to stop for a while.

Feel the breeze, close your eyes, and let things be.

How has your year been so far?